BS-ing

Things I'd like to do:

Regularly drive through a drive-thru without ordering food just to fulfill the meaning of the term.
Go on a blind date with myself.
Kick myself out of my own house for failure to pay rent.
Try to hide from myself.
Paint my shadow.
Put different clothes on my shadow.
Do my house chores from work.
Force my shadow to drink something I hate or take a medication on my behalf.
Practice voodoo on myself to make sure it works.

A girl said to me, "I will only date you when September has 31 days." I said to her, "I'll see you on April 1st."

I have never felt this way before. I must have expired.

I have found life's will only to discover that I am not included.

I have never lost a fight, and that's because I only fight cowards.

If you live in a glass house, make sure it's tinted.

I have decided not to marry. Turns out it wasn't my choice.

I have never gone overboard, but has gone overseas.

I tried to follow my dreams but it is easier to follow directions.

I fell off the wagon so I have decided to ride the horse instead.

The mission to find myself has been called off due to a reduced budget.

I am unable to date the girl of my dreams. My plan is to dream about the girl I am currently dating. That should fix my dilemma.

The girl of my dreams never got out. She is still trapped in them.

If life gives you lemons, give them to Mike.